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Funny Joke of the Month

Welcome to Walmart

Walmart Wine BENTONVILLE, ARK (AP) - Some Walmart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item -- Walmart’s own brand
of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J
Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an
affordable price; in the $6-8 range. While wine connoisseurs may
not be inclined to throw a bottle of Walmart brand wine into
their shopping carts, there is a market for inexpensive wine,
said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams
University in Bristol, R.I. She said: "The right name is
important." So, with that in mind, here are the top 12 suggested
names for Walmart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Doublewide
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Walmart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Wriesling

And the number 1 name for Walmart Wine...

1. Nasti Spumante

2nd Funny Joke of the Month

Lawyer, Lawyer

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was
shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon
she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to
interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the
first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal
integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr.
Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something
about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000
for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried
my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the
money."

Funny One-Liners of the Month

I majored in liberal arts. Would you like to super-size that?

My proctologist just called and said he found my head.

Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people
"everybody but me."

Remember, a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

After the funeral, the lawyer read the will to the family and it
was a dead giveaway.

The mathematician concluded that without geometry, life is
pointless.

According to the IRS, what you seize is what you get.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

A procrastinator's work is never done.

If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

What’s New in FunnyNews?

FunnyDesigns has just had a website redesign with many new
funnydesigns to choose from.

FunnyDesigns.com has rolled out whole new pages worth of new
humorous designs. Check out the vintage, novelty, crazy, beer and
popular names pages.

Funny-pictures.biz is also offering new designs on t-shirts plus
it offers a whole slew of funny, manipulated photos that can also
be placed on t-shirts.

Humoroust-shirts.com is a funny quotes and slogans on t-shirts
website and has many new funny one-liners, quotes and jokes to
choose from.

Animaltshirts.net is devoted to animals across the world on
t-shirts. From aardvarks to zebra, check out our line of animal
t-shirts.

Politicaltshirts.us is a left-wing, liberal, commie, pinko,
socialist, democrat-loving website devoted to t-shirts that are
left of center.

April-fools.us This site offers the history of April Fool’s day
and some classic April Fools pranks and hoaxes that have been
played through the media in the last 20 years. April Fools R Us
also offers many readers April Fool’s Day jokes.

Here are a few examples:

Practical Joke of the Day - Lawyer Letter

I am writing this to you with tears streaming down my face, STILL
laughing after all these years! Thirteen years ago, when my
husband and I were still newly married, I decided to pull an
April Fool's Prank on him that STILL has our whole family
talking! It all started with a conversation that I'd had with a
girlfriend who worked for an attorney...we'd been talking about
April Fools jokes and chuckling about funny little pranks to play
on our husbands but I was in the mood for something more serious,
along the lines of REVENGE (he'd pulled a "GOTCHA" on me several
months before, and had me crying real tears!) I asked my friend
if she'd be willing to type up an "official-looking" document on
letter-head and mail it to my home in time for April Fool's Day.
She giggled and said she'd be happy to.

On the day arranged, I went down to the mail box in our apartment
building and got the mail, as I always did...I was leafing
through the junk mail andcame upon an envelope from an attorney's
office...I ripped it open (making sure I damaged the post-mark on
the front) and began "scanning" the letter (knowing full well
what it said)...my husband looked up from the TV show he was
watching and asked..."What are you looking at? Something wrong?"
I replied..."Oh this is just GREAT! I cannot believe what they
are telling me!"

In her "legal-ese" my friend had typed a letter to the effect of
"Your divorce to Mr. ________ was never finalized due to an error
in the court reporter's office. It is my duty to inform you that
any subsequent marriage is null and void and any children born to
that union now bear the name of your former spouse." (at the time
our daughter was 9 months old) ...."in order to correct this very
serious situation, you must appear personally in court to file
the correct papers" (which meant a 350 mile trip South) "and if
you are re-married with a child or children, your spouse must
also appear with you so that he may legally adopt the
child/children to reflect his surname.

In addition, you must also file the correct legal documents with
the Social Security Administration which may or may not require
legal representation." I read this all to my poor husband sitting
on the couch in shock and then flopped down on the couch and
produced a few fake tears for dramatic effect. I gave this all
time to sink in and then, as predicted, my husband (never
dreaming that he was married to such a cold-blooded woman haha)
said to me. "Why don't we call _____? She works for an attorney,
she should be able to give us some advice." (never realizing of
course that she was in on the whole thing) I reached over and
handed him the phone..."here, you call...I'm just too upset"
(accompanied by a sniff and dabbing at my teary eyes --mostly
from holding backlaughter) I told him what number to dial and he
got her on the phone...she "advised" us what to do and he hung
up.

I kept him going for the rest of the day...finally at bedtime, I
said, "I just can't sleep" and went to the kitchen. I pretended
to be cleaning out a cupboard for a few minutes, then went back
to the bedroom, tiptoed to the side of the bed and leaned down to
my emotionally exhausted husband and whispered "April Fool's" in
his ear...then RAN FOR MY LIFE! HA HA !! He was out of that bed
like a rocket and I was collapsed on the floor laughing my head
off. He laughed too, mostly from relief, and we have talked about
it ever since...

We will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this summer and I
regret only two things about the prank: #1. I didn't have a
camcorder to capture his reaction and #2. that in all those years
since, I have never been able to top that prank...so beware...if
you do something this drastic, it may be your last prank on that
person...they will be forever on their guard! Good Luck and Happy
April Fooling! - T.E

Practical Joke of the Day – The Note Write on a piece of paper
owa tafu liam. Then,tell someone to read it. Tell them it's
indian language. On the back of the paper write o what a fool i
am. Tell the person to turn the paper over to see what it means
in english. You and your victom will lol!!!

-VZE

Practical Joke of the Day – Spring Cleaning

This is a April Fools joke that still follows me , 6 years later.
A radio D.J had been telling all the listeners for a couple of
days that the phone company was going to blow all the fiberoptic
dust out of the phone lines,on Thursday . A lot of people did'nt
stop to think about Thursday being April Fools day. My boss is a
very smart woman, so I did'nt think she would believe any of
this. Well she bought into it hook, line and sinker. she went as
far as unpluging her computer from the phone line,and calling the
phone company, who believe it or not could'nt give her a straight
answer.

The next morning my cowrker and I had a couple of hours before
anyone else came in to get our plan in motion. We covered all the
phones in our work area with clear bags. On our bosses phone we
put pan spray , sprinkled with pepper, so it looked like dust.
Before my boss came in that day everyone in the hospital knew
what we had planned.She was very upset when she seen her phone
was the only one with dust in the bag.We had her going for a
least an hour believing this had really happened. My boss never
trusted me again on April Fools day. there was no way I could
ever match that one but I always had her on pins and needles
think I could. - Sally.C

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