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Funny Joke of the Month

A man walks into a pet store and spies a beautiful male parrot in the corner. He asks the owner how much for the parrot and the owner replies, "Two-thousand dollars."

Appalled by the price, man started to walk out until the owner said, "This is a very special parrot."

Intrigued, the man turned around and the owner showed him the parrot's special abilities.

"We you hold a match under his right foot," the owner said, "look at what happens." The owner lit a match and put it underneath the parrot right foot and the parrot came to life and started to sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…"

"That is amazing!" the man said. "But what if you put a match underneath his left foot? Does he do anything?"

"Oh, yes," the owner said, "Watch." The owner placed a match underneath the parrot's left foot and the parrot came to life and sang "On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…"

"Amazing! I must have him," the man said. He paid the owner and took the parrot home to show his wife.

"Honey," the man said, "You have to see what this parrot can do!" The man showed his wife what would happen if he placed a flame under each of the parrot's feet and his wife was amazed, too.

Then curiosity got the better of her and she said, "What would happen if you put the flame between his legs?" The man, curious also, did this very thing.

The parrot came alive and started to sing, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…"

2nd Funny Joke of the Month

A young lady just received her teacher's certification and is teaching her first kindergarten class. She tells the young students the story about Chicken Little. "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" the teacher said. "And do you know what is special about this story?"

One little boy shot up his hand and said, "Holy shit! A talking chicken?"

Funny One-Liners of the Month

I can't stand clothing stores. I hate the thought of all of those sales people dressing me with their eyes.

One's sex life can become repetitious and boring after a while. That's when you need to find a partner.

A new wonder drug was released today. It doesn't cure anything. It just makes you wonder.

I used to be a hypochondriac but I stopped because I hated people asking me what I was taking for it.

I finally figured out why medical science has done so much to add years to our lives. It gives us more time to pay our doctor bills.

What's New in FunnyNews?

FunnyDesigns.com has rolled out new designs in the What's Hot, General, Political, and Sex sections. FunnyDesigns offers t-shirts, coffee mugs, mouse pads and other items.

Funny-pictures.biz is also offering new designs on t-shirts plus it offers a whole slew of funny, manipulated photos that can also be placed on t-shirts. Funny-pictures.biz has also revamped its shopping cart system, going away from paypal and onto a more professional system for processing credit card purchases.

Humoroust-shirts.com is a funny quotes and slogans on t-shirts website and has added several new sections: Baseball, Football, Basketball, Golf, Music, Inspirational and Motivational Many quotes, jokes and slogans have been added to the other sections as well.

April-fools.us is a practical jokes and gag gift site that offers fart machines, wind-breaking contest CD's, rubber chickens and much more. If you would like to pull a spoof on someone, this is the place to be. Also, this site offers the history of April Fool's day and some classic April Fools pranks and hoaxes that have been played through the media in the last 20 years.

Practicaljokes.cc is also a practical jokes and gag gifts site. This site offers fake lottery tickets, farting bears and the newly added pink panty hat. In addition, check out the reader's submissions of their favorite gags.

Here are a few examples:

Practical Joke of the Day - A Penny For Your Thoughts

Pranks are good. I LOVE pranks.
Here is a prank you can do:

What you'll need:
A funnel
A penny
A glass of ice cold water
A victim
First, stick the little end of the funnel into your pants. Next, pretend you're playing a really fun game of trying to drop a penny off your chin and catching it in the funnel. Your victim will of course want to play. So you stick the little end of the funnel into your victim's pants. When your victim leans back to put the penny on his/her chin......you pour the water into the funnel.

Is your victim laughing? If not, you'd better start running!

Practical Joke of the Day - The ol' Desktop Icon Switcheroo

In Microsoft Windows, if you press the 'Print Scrn' key on your keyboard during any application it will take an image of whatever is on screen and place it onto your clipboard. From there, you can paste it into whatever application you wish...

So here goes. When your co-worker is distracted shut down any applications they have running on their computer and capture an image of the desktop, with all of it's icons, using the Print Scrn key. Open paintbrush and click Edit-->Paste to paste the image into Paintbrush. Save the image as a bitmap, and return to their desktop. Right-click the desktop and set the Desktop wallpaper to the image you just saved. Now delete all of their desktop icons. The icons will still appear to be there, but since they're only part of the image and not really icons none of them will work. Endless hours of fun as they try to figure out what happened.

Bonus points for pulling this trick on a compter saavy person. Noone ever figures out whats going on with their computer.

Practical Joke of the Day - Stored Up Laughter

Hey guys - Love your site. I thought that I might have an extra little addition to make it some more fun. Everybody has seen those liquid stink bombs enclosed in little glass containers. They're fun no doubt, but it's all about location. I have found that anyone can have an incredible time just dropping one off on the floor of a video-rental store in front of the new releases. The reason it works so well is because in video stores, people will force themselves to deal with the smell to keep browsing the tapes and will often walk through it. The faces are priceless. Another reason is the little children in the store that will smell it. It tons of fun because they will speak their mind by saying something like, "that smells like poop!" or as the best I've heard yet, "that smells like grandma!" It's a lot of fun just be careful. Enjoy~
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