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Funny Joke of the Month

Blonde Ambition Two blondes got lost while deer hunting. One
said, "I know the official distress signal. I'll just fire three
shots in the air and someone will find us!". So she fired three
shots in the air and they waited. An hour later, they decided to
fire three more shots. After two more hours, it was growing
dark. The blonde firing the shots said, "I'm going to try this
one last time. It had better work, because I've only got three
arrows left!"

2nd Funny Joke of the Month

My 2 Best Friends After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date
to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded
enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up
her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and
walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best
friends are her own two legs."

On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they
were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she
pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she
wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own
two legs."

On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This
time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote,
"Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends
must part."

3rd Funny Joke of the Month

There are these two gay men, named Moe and Joe, driving happily
along in their car. As they came to an intersection, they
stopped for the red light.

All of a sudden, a big semi-trailer crunches into the back of
their car.

Moe and Joe were really pissed!

Moe says to Joe to get out of the car to tell off the truck
driver.

So Joe gets out of the car and approaches the truck driver, who
apparently is one huge mother trucker (tattoos and all)!

"You idiot! Look at what you've done to our beloved car!"
exclaims Joe. "You're going to pay for this damage you know!"

"Suck me!" shouts the truck driver.

This prompted Joe to go back to his car, to discuss the
situation with Moe.

"I think he wants to settle out of court."

Funny One-Liners of the Month

Scientists keep looking for intelligent life on other planets.
Me, I'd be happy just finding intelligent life at the voting
booth.

I have a friend who lives in Las Vegas and doesn't gamble.
That's like an atheist living in the Vatican.

I come from a family of short people. The truth is, everyone in
my hometown was short. The mortician used a Volkswagen for the
hearse.

I just had a wild thought. Which came first? Chicken Little or
Humpty Dumpty?

I finally found out why everyone keeps searching for the pot at
the end of the rainbow. It's filled with gasoline.

I'll tell you a little something about my next door neighbors.
What they do with the shades up, I wouldn't even think of doing
with the shades down.

My ship finally came in, hit a reef and dumped 1000 tons of oil
into the bay.

An egotist is one who is me-deep in conversation.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.

Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant, so I gave
him a pizza my mind.

My friend stomped on his own watch out of boredom. I guess he
had time to kill.

In his most recent movie, James Bond sleeps through an entire
earthquake. He was shaken, but not stirred.

What’s New in FunnyNews?

FunnyDesigns.com has rolled out whole new pages worth of new
humorous designs. Check out the vintage, novelty, crazy, beer
and popular names pages.

Funny-pictures.biz is also offering new designs on t-shirts plus
it offers a whole slew of funny, manipulated photos that can
also be placed on t-shirts.

Humoroust-shirts.com is a funny quotes and slogans on t-shirts
website and has many new funny one-liners, quotes and jokes to
choose from.

Animaltshirts.net is devoted to animals across the world on
t-shirts. From aardvarks to zebra, check out our line of animal
t-shirts.

Politicaltshirts.us is a left-wing, liberal, commie, pinko,
socialist, democrat-loving website devoted to t-shirts that are
left of center.

April-fools.us This site offers the history of April Fool’s day
and some classic April Fools pranks and hoaxes that have been
played through the media in the last 20 years. April Fools R Us
also offers many readers April Fool’s Day jokes.

Here are a few examples:

Practical Joke of the Day – Keyboard of Directors

This one is harmless, yet a lot of fun ... especially for the
"computer pecker!" I popped off some of the frequently-used
computer keys (letters "s", "e", "i", etc.) and switched them
all around. Someone who doesn't know how to type won't even
notice and wonder what is wrong with the computer! To fool an
expert typist, shift the entire home keys to the right so that
the typist places their fingers on the correct keys and won't
notice the change immediately! Hysterical! I did this to a
secretarial co-worker once ... she, in turn, moved around my
number keys which I didn't notice for days!

- Sharon

Practical Joke of the Day – Of Mouse and Men

To add to the Hey, What's Going On! prank, after you have placed
the "April Fools" sticky note on the mouse track ball, also
unplug the mouse from the back of the computer. That way, even
after they figured out what they think the problem is, it still
won't work. This works well if you can do the sticky note one
year, then follow up the next year with doing both. People
assume you are playing the same, tired gag as last year. It's
especially funny when it's an entire office of people - you
really get to know who the real brains of the operation are. -
April R

Practical Joke of the Day – Oreo Speed Wagon

Buy some Oreos with the white filling type, other colors won't
work. Then get some white toothpaste. You probably know what to
do next. But in case you don't know, here are some steps. 1.
Try with a knife, split the oreo in half then lick off the
filling 2. Get the white toothpaste then smear it where the
filling was. 3. Make sure no filling is pouring out on the other
side. 4. The toothpaste must be white and mint flavor or this
prank won't work. 5. Make alot give to a friend as a belated, or
before-birthday present. 6. Laugh!!! 7. If you spend all the
toothpaste on your doctored cookie, you can either eat the real
oreo filling or put all of it in the toothpaste container. 8.
Laugh even more!

-enzo

Practical Joke of the Day – 9 / 10ths of the Law

There is a phone in the classroom at my high school where all my
friends hang out at lunch. well, one april fools day, one girl
decided that she wanted to prank her grandmother. she got one
of the guys to call her grandma and sounding official, he told
her g-ma that she had been arrested for drug possession. then
she got on the phone, sounding all innocent, saying "they are
not mine, i was just holding them for someone" and all the usual
excuses.. then her g-ma started yelling, we could all hear
through the phone because it was loud.. we could barely stop
laughing long enough to all yell "APRIL FOOLS".. she got
grounded for the joke, but it was pretty funny:)

- Amanda

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