You are receiving this email because you have subscribed on one
of the Digital Enterprises group of websites including:
funnydesigns.com, funny-pictures.biz, humoroust-shirts.com,
april-fools.us, or politicaltshirts.us (all sites owned by
Digital Enterprises).

To unsubscribe or check out our privacy policy, see the
information at the bottom of this message.

Funny Joke of the Month

Face Lift and Separate

A forty nine year old woman from Los Angeles decided she needed
a facelift. With her hefty pocketbook, she went to several
plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The
doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many
years because of a new technique he used. After the operation
the doctor told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that
she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look. The
woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she
noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the
doctor's office demanding to know why there were bags under her
eyes. The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your
breasts, and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going
to have a beard!"

2nd Funny Joke of the Month

The Pope and Rom

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish
community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their
faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they
finally picked an old man named Rom who spent his life sweeping
up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had
less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to
the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he
asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Rom and the Pope sat opposite
each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and
showed three fingers. Rom looked back at him and raised one
finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Rom pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a
wafer and a glass of wine. Rom pulled out an apple. The Pope
stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews
win."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him
what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers
to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger,
to remind me that there was still one God common to both our
religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that
God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground,
showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the
wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an
answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Rom, amazed
that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their
scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they
asked.

"Well," said Rom, "first he said to me that the Jews had three
days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was
leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared
of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Rom. "He took out his lunch and I took out
mine."

3rd Funny Joke of the Month

Monkey Business

One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely,
when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the
monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So,
the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel
comfortable enough to come down. The monkey said, "If you tie
yourself up I'll come down." So, the lion ties himself up, but
as the monkey came down he started shaking. The lion said, "Hey,
monkey, you don't have to be scared! I'm not going to eat you.
I'm tied up real tight." "I know," said the monkey. "That's not
why I'm shaking." "So why are you shaking?" asked the lion.
"Well," said the monkey embarrassed, "it's just that I've never
made love with a lion before."

Funny One-Liners of the Month

If at first you don’t succeed, cover up all of your attempts.

Nothing is fool proof. You just have to pick the right fool.

God made mankind in His own image. Take a look at God, baby!

To all you atheists, there is a dog!

The thought of gravity always weighs me down.

I regret that I used to leave many sentences unfinished, but now…

Reality is for people who can’t handle a buzz.

Thanks for holding your breath while I fart.

I find you barely acceptable. Move along!

My friend keeps his dog on a chain in the yard. It’s a
self-winding watchdog.

Try being poor – it’s less expensive!

Work makes your life go faster. Not working makes you age
faster. You choose.

What’s New in FunnyNews?

FunnyDesigns.com has rolled out whole new pages worth of new
humorous designs. Check out the vintage, novelty, crazy, beer
and popular names pages.

Funny-pictures.biz is also offering new designs on t-shirts plus
it offers a whole slew of funny, manipulated photos that can
also be placed on t-shirts.

Humoroust-shirts.com is a funny quotes and slogans on t-shirts
website and has many new funny one-liners, quotes and jokes to
choose from.

Politicaltshirts.us is a left-wing, liberal, commie, pinko,
socialist, democrat-loving website devoted to t-shirts that are
left of center.

April-fools.us This site offers the history of April Fool’s day
and some classic April Fools pranks and hoaxes that have been
played through the media in the last 20 years. April Fools R Us
also offers many readers April Fool’s Day jokes.

Here are a few examples:

Practical Joke of the Day – Cake Prank

My dad’s birthday is April 1st. Every year since I was little we
would always put either a balloon in his cake so it would pop
when he cut it or trick candles on top. The year I got married
he had another thing coming to him. I offered to bring the cake
knowing that dad would think something was up. To his surprise
it wasn’t quite what he thought……. He spent 5+ minutes
insisting that the regular candles I put on top were trick
candles and would flame back up any moment. Blowing on them as
hard as he could while they remained out and even licking his
fingers and pinching the wicks ignoring my ensuring him they
were safe. When he decided to move on from this and cut the
cake, he smiled slyly as he stabbed the knife straight into the
middle only to have the knife stop at contact. – I had frosted
an upside-down round cake pan.

I didn’t have enough frosting to ice the pan; so the “cake” was
frosted with a mixture of icing and leftover mash potatoes. I
hadn’t even thought or planned that he would lick off the
candles, but when he did, it certainly put the cherry on top of
this prank. The next year he didn’t even know what to expect
when I offered to bring the cake again. He studied it and
examined it and insisted that I cut it, then when he found that
there were no tricks he still wouldn’t even take a bit until
everyone else had, determined that I had made it with something
nasty. Guess sometimes the best prank is no prank at all.

- Amy

Practical Joke of the Day – Garbage In, Garbage out

We were on a weekend with friends and just before we were about
to go out (and everybody was nicely dressed) we pulled it.

Fill a big plastic bag with water (or anything) and place it in
a garbage can. After that, throw in a couple of empty plastic
bottles so the surface will be floating.

On top of that you throw in some real junk, like left-over food
or something. The garbage can seems to be filled. Take off your
shoes and ask somebody passing-by to stamp on the pile in order
to make room for more.

The result ain't very nasty, but good for a laugh or two when
he/she needs to change pants and shoes. Last but no least, good
pranks should always be recorded! Seeing the marks’ faces is
priceless for a long time!

-Bart

Privacy Policy

Privacy Policy: Your email address contained in this list stays
inside this list and is not shared with other members. In
addition, we do not sell, lend or give email addresses or any
personal information to third parties.