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HURRY!!! Christmas deadline is December 15. All orders must be
placed by this date so that they will arrive by Christmas.

Funny Joke of the Month

Frivolous Law Suit

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit and says "But the
left sleeve is a lot longer than the right." "That's why the
suit is such a bargain," the sales clerk explained. "Just cock
your left shoulder up a little, like this." "But the right leg
is way too short," argued the customer. "No problem," the sales
clerk answered. "Just keep your right knee bent a little at all
times, walk like this, and no one will notice."

So, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into
the air, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward
his car when two doctors happened along and noticed him. "Good
heavens," the first doctor said to the second, "look at that
poor crippled fellow." "Yeah," answered the second doctor. "But
doesn't that suit fit great?"

2nd Funny Joke of the Month

Parking Ticket to Ride

I went to the store the other day and I was in there for only
about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop
writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said "Come on
buddy, how about giving me a break?" He ignored me and continued
writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He
glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second
ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he
started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20
minutes ... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I
didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

3rd Funny Joke of the Month

Bear Necessities

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this
bulletin...

"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear
conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising
hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep
alert of bears while in the field.

We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their
clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in
case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear
activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between
black bear and grizzly bear manure:

Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and
squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and
smells like pepper."

Funny One-Liners of the Month

You ever notice that the way to get something in the mail within
the hour is to call to find out where the hell its at?

If you are driving a vehicle at the speed of light and use your
turn signal does anyone see you?

During tourist season, why can’t we bag a few?

If a cannibal were to eat a clown, would it taste funny?

What do you do with an endangered animal that only eats
endangered plants?

Why are gas station bathrooms always locked? Are they afraid
someone will clean them?

My body is by Nautilus, but my brain is challenged by the Hokey
Pokey.

Hey, Miss Feminist, fetch me a beer!

God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.

When you hear the smoke alarm going off, dinner is ready!

You have the right to remain silent – and the obligation.

I have my puppy on a chain in the yard. He’s a self-winding
watchdog.

What’s New in FunnyNews?

Christmas Deadline: December 15 – Buy Now!

FunnyDesigns.com has rolled out whole new pages worth of new
humorous designs. Check out the vintage, novelty, crazy, beer
and popular names pages.

Funny-pictures.biz is also offering new designs on t-shirts plus
it offers a whole slew of funny, manipulated photos that can
also be placed on t-shirts.

Humoroust-shirts.com is a funny quotes and slogans on t-shirts
website and has many new funny one-liners, quotes and jokes to
choose from.

Animaltshirts.net is devoted to animals across the world on
t-shirts. From aardvarks to zebra, check out our line of animal
t-shirts.

Politicaltshirts.us is a left-wing, liberal, commie, pinko,
socialist, democrat-loving website devoted to t-shirts that are
left of center.

April-fools.us This site offers the history of April Fool’s day
and some classic April Fools pranks and hoaxes that have been
played through the media in the last 20 years. April Fools R Us
also offers many readers April Fool’s Day jokes.

Here are a few examples:

Practical Joke of the Day – Toxic Shock

Actually, this was perpetuated by my mother on her best friend.
She actually got a large, empty industrial drum and a lot of
yellow "Do Not Trespass tape" and had a large sign made that
said, "Warning: DO NOT TRESPASS! Property Declared off limits by
the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) due to the presence of
toxic and radioactive waste"

She delivered all this in the middle of the night and setup the
tape all around the front yard with the drum near the front door.

The next morning, as God is our witness, the local police woke
up my mom's friend and told her that she would be fined for
having toxic waste on her property and she would have to report
to the precinct.

The woman saw what was on the lawn and said to the police,
"Officers, do you know what day it is?"

She knew too that it was my Mom because she had played other
April Fools tricks on her before then.

- Greg

Practical Joke of the Day – Spinning Class

Now this one takes a little time, but it is worth it. Bring two
cinder blocks and some small 2x4's. While your buddy is away
from his car, jack up the drive wheels and place the blocks and
2x4's under enought so the wheels are about 1/2 inch off the
ground. We did it to my friend and it was hilarious. She got
in her car like normal, started it up, put it in gear, and tried
to pull backward. The wheels were spinning, but she couldnt
tell cause she was inside. She got out, checked it, and went
back in and tried again. It took her 8 minutes to figure it
out. It was a riot.

- John

Practical Joke of the Day – Halls Of Justice

When I was 13 years old 0n 3-31-04 I had just realized it was
April 1 the next day. so I came up with a very mischievous
plan. All I needed was saran wrap and dental floss. I put saran
wrap all over the hallway floor and dental floss was rigged
around every corner . when I was finishes I got a squirt bottle
and soaked the saran wrap. so when my family came out they
stepped on the saran wrap and had to hurtle over the dental
floss. My brother was very mad but good thing the rest of my
families thought it was hilarious.

-Holly

Practical Joke of the Day – Ring, Ring

This gag is easy and good. You will need a cup or binoculars and
paint, stamp ink or pretty much anything that can be colored
onto like makeup. If you are using a cup make sure to use a type
of paint or something like that, that is non-toxic. Take the
paint and make a thin layer of it on the rim of the cup. Offer a
friend or family member if they would like something to drink.
Then take the cup and fill it with the substance of their
choice. When they take a drink the should have a riong or half a
ring of paint around there mouth. This also works well pop or
water bottle. Just let your victim walk around all day with the
ring on her mouth. If you are using binoculars you will need
the same metarials only no cup. Do the same routine to the
binoculars as u did to the cup. This gag is even funnier than
the cup one. Your victum will look like a racune. To get you
victum to use the binoculars say that you see three huge deer
outside using the binoculars. Your victum will want to see and
use the binoculars. When you victum doesn't see anything just
say i was just kidding and then say April Fools there were no
deer.

-McKenzie

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