Guest Post by Larry Dingleberry
In a surprising turn of evens Star Tennis Player and # 1 rated in the world Novak Djokovic has finally decided to get his Covid vaccination thus clearing him to play in the Australian Open. Everyone has been waiting for this moment and a hell of a lot of people already lost money on their bets in Monte Carlo and Vegas that he would not end up playing.
However, there have been some very strange and disturbing circumstances arising out of this event that will change the course of tennis history forever.
As Novak took to the courts for his first match, he seemed very uneasy on his feet as if he could have been drinking, and then suddenly there was a total eclipse of the sun which gave us 30 seconds of complete darkness. When daylight commenced Novak was not on the court but there was this human horse. Yes, none other than the old sitcom star BoJack Horseman. It appeared that the Covid Vaccination had an adverse effect on Novak and morphed him into BoJack. Personally, I am not sure which is worse, a whiney tennis star or a washed-up sitcom cartoon character.
It was so weird. BoJack Djokovic as I will now refer to him was on the court swearing at the tennis balls calling them fuckling little yellow bastards as he tried to return the serves of his opponent.
Too make matters worse it has now been reported that BoJack Djokovic now has had a reported breakthrough case of Covid thus having wasted the entire 2 weeks that we all waited for him to go through the court BS to begin with. Yes, it is always about himself first.
Because BoJack Djokovic know everything better than anyone else, he decided the best way to combat Covid was to drown himself in a constant flow of vodka. There would be a halfway decent rally going on and then he would lose his concertation and eventually his total composure. It was like watching a match from the 1970’s with tennis star John McEnroe having tantrums left and right.
That’s when he would start his drunken tirades. BoJack Djokovic was pretty much totally smashed going into every match but again he thought it his remedy against Covid (or as it was later known, Omicron the Decepticon). Todd is on the bench with him as his trainer and they proceed to drink together to rid the world of this disastrous pandemic.
As time has gone on, BoJack Djokovic’s tantrums and tactics have turned all his matches into a sideshow. Mr. Peanut Butter is now at every match and tries to fetch the balls that are missed thus making a 3-hour game now an exhausting six-hour drunk fest because he chases each ball and then runs around until he eventually drops. The balls are full of doggie slop and cannot be used so basically there has to be a new ball for every serve.
In addition, all the rest of his enablers are there at each match. Princess Carolyn and Diane sit in the stands wearing little cheerleader outfits and cheer when he eventually comes back into start playing again. Amusing but annoying like all his antics.
BoJack Djokovic is constantly puking while playing and eventually the refs who have been verbally abused all day have to call the match when the horse’s ass passes out and defecates all over himself. Yes, the games have literally turned out to be horse-shite. And Rafael Nadal is laughing his effing ass off.